tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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