How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize