And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
