Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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