On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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