He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
