you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
