I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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