nut hugger
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
