i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Randomize
