that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
