Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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