Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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