just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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