ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
