Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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