ugly people sure do ruin things
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
