Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
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