Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Randomize
