I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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