First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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