Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
