Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
