Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
