The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
