dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
We had sex on a dog bed..
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
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