M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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