im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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