Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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