How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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