I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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