if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
