I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
