Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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