I want to walk on stilts...naked
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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