Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
