and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Randomize
