I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
