she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
