Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
