Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Randomize
