i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize