In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
