guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
