Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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