I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You made out with two different species that night
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
