That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
