I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
