I am midnight drunk by noon
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Someone came in the potted fern
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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