he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
where are my eyebrows?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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