he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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