So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
