My first STD was from a foam party
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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