my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
i've created a new STD.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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