READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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