Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
