So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
