Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize
