There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize