I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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