It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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