I like my sex mixed with concussions.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
