Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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