Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
