Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
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