You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
