She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Randomize
